The Adventure Continues . . .

The best Starbucks on planet earth!!!!

I was thankful to be given an hour to leave my house and be by myself while Jon watched our attached and needy children.  I went to my favorite ‘alone time’ spot, Starbucks.  Just on a sidenote, this is no ordinary Starbucks. This is a “Cheers” kind of Starbucks where ‘everybody knows your name, and they’re always glad you came’.  They know my name, my order, my family, I know their names, their shifts, and their voices.  They are a home away from home.  I’ve grown to love the atmosphere there.  So I sat in my usual comfy couch with my drink and my journal.  I reflected on God’s calling to me this past year, my experiences, and the upcoming ‘unknown’.

God’s amazing.  He really knows what He is doing, especially when we do not.  We came here almost a year and a half ago thinking we knew what to expect.  This past year was the year of the ‘unexpected’.  God works, we just follow.  I am thankful for this time in the Philippines.  I’m grateful for the ministries, the people, the experiences, and the life changing shift of calling.  There are so many things I want to say, express, explain but I think it would take too long and it may be one of those things that only I’m supposed to understand coz God wrote it out just for me.  What I can say is that when we follow God, He leads us to exactly where we need to be.  We thought we knew what we needed, where we wanted to be, and what we wanted to do.  We had to let go of our own expectations in our life and be open to God’s leading.  Everything changed . . . for the better, no actually, for the best!  Thanks be to God.

Over a year ago I was pondering the unknown.  What are we going to do in the Philippines, where are we going to live, how am I going to raise my child in a country foreign to me?  All I knew for sure was that His calling is greater then my fears.  We went where we were called and are blessed by His leading.  Here I am again pondering the unknown.  We’re coming ‘home’ in about a week.  It’s funny how something I’ve known so well and called home for my entire life is now my ‘unknown’.  I don’t know exactly what we’re going to do in Canada, how we’re going to do this financially, what ministries we will begin.  We will arrive, unpack, and wait for Him.  I fear Canada as it is now my new ‘unknown’.  I don’t know what’s going on but again all I know for sure is that His calling is greater then my fears. A friend said that we’re in a good position because the less ties and structure we have in our life, the more free we are to follow His leading.  I kinda feel that way.  I feel like at this point we can go anywhere and do anything because there’s nothing holding us down.  We are free to move forward. I guess that’s what being a Christian is all about, reminding ourselves to let go of the things that are unnecessary and live freely in Christ.  I had to move across the world to really learn that.  I like how the next step is ‘unknown’ and how I feel like I have to put ‘home’ in parentheses . . . it just reminds me that we have a mission, and a purpose and everyday is an adventure.  One day I will be going home, until then there’s work to be done.

Carmi the Murderer

Don't be fooled.  She's alive!

So, I've never been called a murderer before.  Last week some random lady called me a murderer because of the way I carry Myla.  In Canada it is very normal to have baby carriers, you know, the one that you strap to the parent and the baby fits snugly and comfortably inside.  We brought a carrier to the Philippines because strollers are not so convenient when the sidewalks have motorcycles driving on them and pot holes.  We use the carrier daily, in the house, whenever we go outside, it's our life saver (especially with two kids, it frees up both hands).  Anywho, in the Philippines carriers are not common at all.  EVERY TIME we use the carrier in public we receive stares, glares, pointed fingers, and comments from strangers about how the baby is not happy in there.  We're very much used to it as it happens so often.  Last week I was walking in the mall with Myla in the carrier and a lady walking towards me screams angrily "Pumapatay" and continues to walk past me.  I look behind me to see who she could be yelling at.    There's no one there.  The only people in the hallway are me and Myla, the screamer lady, and a few workers who popped their heads out of the stores to see what the commotion was about.  By the time I realized she was referring to me, she was out the door.  Pumapatay is from the verb patay which means dead.  Pumapatay is kinda like saying 'she's dying'.  Anyways, I was so super offended, frustrated, and annoyed.  I just wanted to scream "SHE LIKES IT IN HERE" or "LET ME CARRY YOU IN HERE AND YOU'LL LOVE IT!!!!".  I hated feeling judged when it was out of ignorance.  People don't know how normal it is to use a carrier in Canada.  They don't understand that she's safe and comfortable and if she didn't like it she would be crying instead of sleeping.  She sleeps in there coz she's comfy, not coz she's dead.  I was thinking, at least I carry my own baby, everyone else here has a katulong (nanny) who carries their baby for them.  At least I raise my own children, when everyone else hires someone to raise their kids for them.  Then the ignorance slapped me in my own face.  

I'm just as ignorant.  I judge them for the way they raise their kids and they judge me for the way I raise mine.  I do not like being judged out of ignorance so I shouldn't judge others either.  I may not understand it, but it doesn't make it wrong.  Parenting is like that, I think.  I hear a lot of non mothers say things that they would and wouldn't do when they have kids.  I used to do the same before I had kids.  I hear a lot of parents say what things should be done with/for their kids and I know at times I do the same.  Parenting is just as different as the individuals who are parents.  Everyone's gonna do things differently.  I think it's fine, interesting, and fun to share stories and experiences with other parents.  I would draw the line when it comes to thinking that someone else is wrong in what they're doing and what I'm doing is right (unless it's a moral issue, some things should be universal).  One of my pregnant friends said it right when she said she'll "Never say Never".  She won't say she'll never do this or that coz things change and maybe she would do what she normally wouldn't.  Everything changes, even opinions.  I'm ignorant, I admit it.  But I still think if I put the yelling lady in the baby carrier she'd fall asleep.  =)

Lots to do . . . nothing fits.

This is gonna be a short one.  Jon's carrying Myla, Aaven requires my attention (his puzzle apparently 'snot working'), and I still gotta clean.  There's lots to do.  A lot to do right now, a lot to do in the next 7 weeks, and a lot to do when we get back to Canada.  Right now we've just gotta get dinner done and clean the house.  In the next 7 weeks we gotta prepare our moving countries . . . nothing's gonna fit in our luggages.  When we get back to Canada, we gotta start up a different life again.  Everything changes, nothing is forever.  There's lots to do.

Just to relate it to our ministry . . . there will always be a lot to do for God.  Life changes, time moves, and the work is plenty.  Sometimes in the busy-ness of our lives we feel like stuff doesn't fit in our schedules.  When we feel like that, we've just gotta get rid of what we don't need and make the stuff that's important fit.  That's what we're gonna do with our luggage.  I'm gonna leave behind the clothes that don't fit my post-pregnancy 'I still look pregnant' body and bring a wooden boat home instead.  At least I won't have to try the boat on.

He doesn't fit . . . now to fit another kid in there too. (old pic, he def won't fit now)  hee hee

What's New?

It's a new year so what's new?  Just wanted to post an update on what's new with the Edralin family.  =)  We've been in the Philippines for over a year now and I believe I've become more Filipino.  I can now j-walk like a boss.  Cars do not scare me!!!!  I get cold in 28 degree weather and wear a jacket . . . yes, a jacket.  I'm now one of those people I used to smirk at who were wearing winter clothing while I was sweating.  I now say "for a while" when I want someone to wait a minute and I have accepted the fact that I am a "maam/sir" when being addressed by sales associates.  Philippines is a wonderful country and the people are amazingly compassionate, considerate, hospitable, and polite.  I hope to have developed these traits as well before we leave the Philippines!

Myla at 1 month (and apparently terrified of the camera)

The biggest new thing came to us at 6lbs 13oz . . . Myla Jade, our newest family member!!!!  She was born on December 5 and came really fast!!!!  I made a huge scene and delivering was definitely an adventure.  You can read more about it on our family blog, Epic Birth.  Myla is our only filipino born baby but must be canadian at heart coz she's on Toronto time.  She sleeps in the day an is awake ALL NIGHT!!!!  The joys of parenting.  She's 6 weeks right now and is a chunky 10lbs.  Her rolls have rolls and she eats like she's never had food before.   She has the biggest smiles when she sleeps, yet rarely smiles when she's awake.  She must be having good dreams.   I love her.

Aaven's big smile (clutching his "car toy" in pocket)

Aaven is doing well, making a mess as I type this.  He's funny.  When he sees the cartoon of Captain Hook on TV he thinks it's Jesus.  I don't see the resemblance.  He loves eating "noonils" which are noodles, and when he plays with his GI Joes he says they're eating rice.  I guess that's the Filipino in him. He'll stop eating if he sees crumbs, then he'll go get the dustpan and clean before he resumes his meal.  When I say something is broken or needs batteries, he ALWAYS grabs his toy drill and says "I fix".  He'll drill the thing for a long time . . . but has yet to really fix it.  hee hee.  When he gets hurt he says "sorry" but rarely apologizes when he accidentally hurts others.  He's an awesome big brother.  He loves Myla, he shows her all his toys, makes GI Joe tickle her, and he randomly kisses her and holds her hand.  I love him. 

Jon and I are getting used to our new routine of being parents of two.  Jon is awesome.  He does as much as humanly possible with the kids when he's home, then he's off using his amazing God-given gifts serving our Lord.  I am constantly amazed by who he is and who God continues to make him.  I am never short of a laugh with him around.  He makes life interesting, exciting, joyful, and adventurous.  I love him.

As for me, I'm doing well.  My eyebags have baby bags.  Lack of sleep.  My ears are now oblivious to the sound of crying, and I can now eat my meals in 2 mins or less (gotta eat fast, usually on a time crunch before a child is in need).  Although I feel the strain of being a mother, I am blessed to be one and can't picture doing anything else.  God has blessed me with the opportunity to stay at home with my children for this time in my life and I will try my hardest to not take it for granted.  You gotta appreciate what you're doing at this very moment coz this moment will pass and will never return.  =)

We are constantly seeking God's guidance in our lives.  We are asking for patience, peace, and strength as we pray that He will show us where we need to be and when He wants us to be there.  Our future is unknown to us but well written and known by our Maker.  Although our plans may not work out exactly as we expect, we are blessed because His plans always do.  =)  We're embracing the unknown and will always follow our Lord, even when we're in the dark.  Although we may not see the next step, we know we are being led by our Father who is never in the dark.  He is our light, our guide, and we will continue to follow Him all the days of our lives . . . hopefully our children will do the same.  =)

Myla chatting her Kuya's ear off.

Devotions: Wait

Scripture Reading: 

Psalm 40:1  “I waited patiently for the LORD;

   he turned to me and heard my cry.”

I’m almost 39 weeks pregnant and I’ve been waiting and expecting her to arrive every day since week 36!  I feel like I’m in limbo, in a coma like state where I can’t do anything until it’s time to wake up . . . and wake up time is when she’s here.  During this time of wait I sit, and sit, and walk and sit again.  I keep telling her to come out but I know that she’ll come when she’s good and ready and that’s in His perfect timing. 

I guess in life there are these transition phases.  A time that feels like nothingness until the next thing happens.  A time in between phases of life.  Maybe you’ve felt stuck in the same routine of life and you’re waiting for the next ‘thing’ to happen.  Maybe you’re in between making large decisions or you’re waiting for an answer to one of life’s many questions.  Whatever you’re waiting for relax and enjoy this time.  This is a time to wait on Him and His good and perfect timing.  Reflect on His words and rest in Him.  I guess it’s kinda like flying from one destination to another.  When you’re on the plane, you can’t do anything but wait to land.  You may be anxious about what awaits you on the other side but the plane ride is your time to sit back and watch movies, take a needed nap, or reflect about experiences from the place you’re leaving and preparing for the adventure that awaits.  The good thing is, you’re moving forward, towards something.  So if you’re in a time of wait like me . . . sit back and enjoy the ride, you will be arriving at your destination shortly.  “Thank You for flying Life airlines, This is your pilot God . . . you’re in good hands”.

Reflect in Action:

What do you do in your time of wait?  Maybe write in your journal reflecting on the experiences that have brought you to this point in life and committing your future destination to the only one who can bring you there . . . God.  In His perfect timing.

AM I ENOUGH?

I have a lot of fears about being inadequate in life.  Sometimes I go through these feelings where I think I’m not enough.  I question if I’m enough of a wife for Jon, or enough of a mother for Aaven (and soon to be Myla).  Am I who I need to be for them, am I all that I can be for them?  Am I enough of a friend, sister, daughter? 

In whatever relationship we could have, whether it be with a boyfriend/girlfriend, parent/ child, husband/wife, or in our friendships, there is a question regarding our roles.  Are we fulfilling our roles and are being ‘enough’ for that other person.  Are the other people in our lives enough for us?  Sometimes I feel like I’m not enough to fulfill my role for others.  Sometimes I get disappointed because I feel like others are not fulfilling my expectations of who they should be for me.

Then I remember . . . it will never be enough.  I will never be enough for anyone else and no one else will ever be enough for me.  Others are not meant to fulfill us entirely nor are we meant to fulfill others.  We can strive to do our best and be willing and humble enough to allow our Lord to change us in the ways He needs us to be, but I don’t think He’ll really change us to benefit others, but rather to better serve Him.  When we allow God to change us, that in turn makes us better people and allows us to serve others better . . . but not necessarily to be enough for them.  I don’t think we’re meant to be ‘enough’ for others or for others to be ‘enough’ for us because that’s His role.  God is more than enough for me, and more than enough for you.

Now as I look at my inadequacies I remember that although I can try to be the best wife and mother, I am not meant to fulfill their lives, I am only meant to try my best and hope that in turn my family will forgive me of my faults and only look to Him to fulfill them in the way they need to be filled.  I shouldn’t be enough for them; they deserve much better.  But I can hope and pray that they will grow to know that satisfaction is from Him, people will always be lacking, but He is more than enough.  Okay . . . that’s enough.  =)

Not enough ice cream.
Not the same meaning . . . but I can relate.

ENOUGH by Chris Tomlin

All of You is more than enough for all of me

For every thirst and every need

You satisfy me with Your love

And all I have in You is more than enough

You are my supply my breath of life

And still more awesome than I know

You are my reward worth living for

And still more awesome than I know

You're my sacrifice of greatest price

And still more awesome than I know

You're the coming King you are everything

And still more awesome than I know

More than all I want, more than all I need

You are more than enough for me

More than all I know, more than all I can say

You are more than enough for me

Devotions: The Next Stage

Scripture Reading:

Ecclesiastes 3:1

“There is a time for everything,

   and a season for every activity under the heavens”

My tired not-baby.

So my son Aaven just turned 2 and I just tried to rock him to sleep in my arms.  Yes he’s much too big for me to carry (especially since I’m carrying a baby in my tummy) but there are times that I just don’t want him to grow up.  I want to hold him like a baby, even though he wants to escape me.  I want him to stay near me always so I can keep him safe, even though he wants to venture away from me and try dangerous new things.  I want him to know he’s loved always, even though he may doubt it when he is in trouble.  He’s growing up and off to the next stage in life . . . I don’t want to let him go.  I think being a mother has really opened my eyes to view my children the way God views His children.  I’m sure He doesn’t want to let us go try new things He knows is not good for us, or want us to doubt His love for us, but He lets us go anyway because He loves us enough to give us our freedom.  I can imagine how God must feel when we fail or fall and hurt ourselves.  Or how hurt He must be when we blame Him when all along He’s just trying to teach us and protect us.  I fear the day Aaven is able to turn his back on me and disregard my love.  Thinking about that possibility makes me want to run to my heavenly Father and apologize for ever turning my back on to Him.  All I want is the best for my children and I know that means letting go, no matter how hard that is for me.  I have to let Aaven grow up.  I thank God for letting me grow up and for giving me my freedom.  It is in that freedom where I learned to appreciate His love for me.  God’s the best mom and dad!

Reflect in Action:

Write a letter to your child and tell them how much you love and appreciate them.  Tell your child how precious they are to you and give examples of how you delight in them and all the things you hope for them in the future.  Date the letter and put it in an envelope.  Give your child that letter in 10 years, yup 10 years!!!!!  They’ll appreciate it and it’ll give them a little insight to how you’ve always loved them!  God wrote us a love letter a long time ago and think about how much we appreciate that every time we read about His love for us.