Tuesday, October 02, 2012

Wearing Thin

How I feel on the inside, displayed on the outside. :p
I feel like a rubber band being pulled so far that I'm about to snap.  I feel overwhelmed by the little mundane tasks of everyday life.  I feel the pressures and expectations from those around me.  I feel weak.  I feel alone in a crowd.  It feels like it just doesn't stop.  And surprise, surprise, it doesn't stop.  Every day it happens all over again. Life happens.

Although this is me venting, it is also me working out loud how to help myself.  What can I do?  What is God trying to teach me?  Firstly, I hear him saying "you're doing it all wrong".  I'm doing it wrong.  I'm waking up every morning dreading the day.  I should be finding my strength in Him.  I should be giving it to Him instead of living with my feet dragging, I should be letting Him carry me.  I'm not letting Him carry me.  I'm like a kid complaining how tired I am of walking yet never asks to be carried.  Lord carry me.

I need to step away sometimes from who I am to others to reflect on who I am in Him.  Sometimes the role of being a wife, mother, friend, and so on gets to be a lot.  I feel like I have a lot to do for others, I feel like I'm wearing thin, being spread too far.  This is when I need to step back and remember who I am in Him, to focus on who He wants me to be and to find strength in Him.  Right now I'm in Tim Hortons doing that.  Finding myself in Him (and in a french vanilla cappuccino!)  I haven't blogged since June and it feels like I haven't had my own time since then. I'm sure I have, it just doesn't feel like it.

If you're reading this, I know you must be able to relate.  Life beats us up sometimes.  Life feels tiring, tearing, and troublesome. Sometimes we wake up not looking forward to the day that lies ahead.  We feel like everyday is the same old mundane routine of life, not knowing when the cycle will change or end.  It's at this point we must step away and focus on Him, who we are in Him, and what we need to do for Him.  It's all about Him, and not about us.

I feel better now.  hee hee.  After some devotion, reflection, and hardcore prayer (and chicken salad sandwich on a cheese croissant) I feel like I am reminded of what He calls me to do.  And whatever that is, I am going to do it thankfully.  As Col. 3:17 reminds me "And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him."

As Anna Nalick sang "these are my diaries spoken out loud". Thanks for sharing my life with me!  =)